Saturday, February 26, 2011
FALLING.
I'm falling into pieces.
Or am I falling back together?
Making this decision to 'see how first' made me feel like stuck.
A part wants to leave cos I just don't feel like it any more. Another part wants to stay. Cos I'm not a loser. And only losers quit halfway into their game.
I'm so close yet so far. Sure, only time will tell if what is right, is right and what is wrong. Wanting to win and not getting it. Wanting to fight yet you fall. Wanting to let out how you feel yet you know you'll fall. In the end, You. Will. Fall.
Pick yourself up or the little pieces of you all over the floor, after you've fallen. That's what winners do. But I'm not a winner. But I'm not a loser either. Better to be nothing than a loser. True? I'd rather fall so many times I turn black and blue then be called a loser.
Okay, I'll say it. Here goes.
Not being proud or anything but when you've been pushed back for other people, it kind of makes you feel sore. Maybe cos I've been told that I can make it if I try. I've tried. I've pushed and tried to meet your expectations. After trying so many times, I've given up. And I feel like a fucking loser. Yes, no harm in trying a bit more harder, push that little more to achieve what I wanted when I first joined: 1st. True, maybe I didn't try hard enough. To me, I've tried. Hard enough to make me fall. I'm seriously broken, really I'm not kidding. So stressed that when I see others stressed or sad or just fucked up over the same thing as me, I'll hide my feelings inside so that they won't know. So black and blue and shattered inside that it's stupid to even mention it. I may not tell you or show it on my face how nervous I am or stressed or angry over everything. I don't know, I just don't know.
Being pushed back. Okay. It's for the better of the team. Being told continuously how not good I am. Okay. It's for the better of myself. Being compared (I know I am). Okay. It sucks but okay. Truth is, I'm lying. I'm not okay. It sucks. Just fucking sucks. Cos in the end: being pushed back, being told how not good I am, being compared. To me, it's like calling me a loser. You don't know me. And you won't. I'm gonna put on a face and act like I've always been. I'm gonna try again but I'm not gonna act like I don't give a care any more.
Will any of you even read this?
Or am I falling back together?
Making this decision to 'see how first' made me feel like stuck.
A part wants to leave cos I just don't feel like it any more. Another part wants to stay. Cos I'm not a loser. And only losers quit halfway into their game.
I'm so close yet so far. Sure, only time will tell if what is right, is right and what is wrong. Wanting to win and not getting it. Wanting to fight yet you fall. Wanting to let out how you feel yet you know you'll fall. In the end, You. Will. Fall.
Pick yourself up or the little pieces of you all over the floor, after you've fallen. That's what winners do. But I'm not a winner. But I'm not a loser either. Better to be nothing than a loser. True? I'd rather fall so many times I turn black and blue then be called a loser.
Okay, I'll say it. Here goes.
Not being proud or anything but when you've been pushed back for other people, it kind of makes you feel sore. Maybe cos I've been told that I can make it if I try. I've tried. I've pushed and tried to meet your expectations. After trying so many times, I've given up. And I feel like a fucking loser. Yes, no harm in trying a bit more harder, push that little more to achieve what I wanted when I first joined: 1st. True, maybe I didn't try hard enough. To me, I've tried. Hard enough to make me fall. I'm seriously broken, really I'm not kidding. So stressed that when I see others stressed or sad or just fucked up over the same thing as me, I'll hide my feelings inside so that they won't know. So black and blue and shattered inside that it's stupid to even mention it. I may not tell you or show it on my face how nervous I am or stressed or angry over everything. I don't know, I just don't know.
Being pushed back. Okay. It's for the better of the team. Being told continuously how not good I am. Okay. It's for the better of myself. Being compared (I know I am). Okay. It sucks but okay. Truth is, I'm lying. I'm not okay. It sucks. Just fucking sucks. Cos in the end: being pushed back, being told how not good I am, being compared. To me, it's like calling me a loser. You don't know me. And you won't. I'm gonna put on a face and act like I've always been. I'm gonna try again but I'm not gonna act like I don't give a care any more.
Will any of you even read this?
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
maryhadalittlelamb
If the world was brighter. If the world was filled with more vivid colours.
Would it be a better place.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
girls girls girls
I'm gonna post this everywhere.
With my girls around me, I'll be forever grateful.
Even with no boyfriend (yet again) or just plain lover (yet again) this year, I still received valentine's day cards and chocolates/sweets. I'm grateful and I love you all ^^
With my girls around me, I'll be forever grateful.
Even with no boyfriend (yet again) or just plain lover (yet again) this year, I still received valentine's day cards and chocolates/sweets. I'm grateful and I love you all ^^
Ray ray got us Toblerone, kyaaaaaaaa~ :D :D
Monday, February 14, 2011
New start, or just a load of crap?
Today, I went to Changi Airport with Keat, Diana, Ravin and Serene.
It's been so long since I've been there, last was the trip to Sarawak with the mly dnc girls back in end of Sec Four.
Time flew back fast today, maybe cos I spent time with the girls. But really, I think I am losing track of time too easily. And I'm always late. No sense of immediate urgency.
The thing is, I need a new perspective on life. However, I don't think I am willing to accept a too-quick change. You know, that type of 'fresh start'. Neither am I able to crush other's dreams for my own. As someone had texted me, 'It takes two hands to clap'. Yes it made me cry, I have to admit. In the middle of Bedok Inter's McD.
Just leave it and go and start again.
It's been so long since I've been there, last was the trip to Sarawak with the mly dnc girls back in end of Sec Four.
Time flew back fast today, maybe cos I spent time with the girls. But really, I think I am losing track of time too easily. And I'm always late. No sense of immediate urgency.
The thing is, I need a new perspective on life. However, I don't think I am willing to accept a too-quick change. You know, that type of 'fresh start'. Neither am I able to crush other's dreams for my own. As someone had texted me, 'It takes two hands to clap'. Yes it made me cry, I have to admit. In the middle of Bedok Inter's McD.
Just leave it and go and start again.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
A little ice-berg in the way
The thing about life is, you don't always get what you want.
No matter how hard you pray or cry or beg, it doesn't just fall into your palms without a little effort put in along the way.
That's the hardest part: the effort. However, do note that you've reached here to this point in your life and you'd gone through all the shits that came towards you.
This makes your whole life more filled with meaning.
No matter how hard you pray or cry or beg, it doesn't just fall into your palms without a little effort put in along the way.
That's the hardest part: the effort. However, do note that you've reached here to this point in your life and you'd gone through all the shits that came towards you.
This makes your whole life more filled with meaning.
getting over.
Tumblr is not really a blogging space, so i'll blog here.
Was deciding to just revive the old blog here. But too many memories there, but I didn't want to delete them off either. So here I shall start. New :)
much loves.
Was deciding to just revive the old blog here. But too many memories there, but I didn't want to delete them off either. So here I shall start. New :)
much loves.
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